I don't think brook has ever known best
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
