Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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