ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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