Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
