I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
