why im i the only drunk person in the library?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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