It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
