Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
