Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
