you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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