You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
