If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
