so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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