Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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