Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
