I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
