we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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