I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
