my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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