Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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