i need an iv and a liver transplant
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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