I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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