somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
