so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Please don't give away my fajitas
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
