hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
