Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
