chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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