smell my finger.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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