I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
