how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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