I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
