My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
