it was like his penis was on wheels.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
