WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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