Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
