After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
