she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
