Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
