Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
