sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
