i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
