FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
