I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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