I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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