Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
