You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
