I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
