Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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