If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize