I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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