i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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