found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
