I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
