Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
