You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
