I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
