She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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