i was born a porn star she said
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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