Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
