Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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