stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
