My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
