At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
