You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
