Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
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