Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
