just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
