If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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